Some Ground Rules.

So just a few things:

1. Thou shalt not replace my words with seeing an actual doctor
First off, I'm not a medical doctor.  I can barely find my own behind (it's TINY) let alone have any merit in giving you actual advice.  I will tell you things I've found through personal research, I will tell you what has and has not worked for me, but you need to see a doctor and discuss with them your issues.  I'll give you ideas about what to ask, I'll tell you what to look out for but I'm not a doctor, I'm not pretending to be a doctor, please do not take what I say over your medical professional.


2.  Thou shalt not take the author too seriously
I'm a ball of sarcasm and snark wrapped in "what is the matter with her?"  I have some things I write which are serious, but my approach to most things is to laugh at how insanely ridiculous things are.  So pretty much read everything I say in a sarcastic voice.  It will save you the angry email writing.

3.  Thou shalt remember that I do not speak for everyone, I only speak for myself and my voice.
I repeat; I do not represent anyone or anything other than myself.  I do not represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, do not send me angry emails.  I do not represent every single adoption, adoptive parent or pretend to know anything other than my own family and our immediate situation, do not send me angry emails.  I do not represent the Republican party, any political candidates or special interest groups like anything pro-life, Planned Parenthood or anything of that nature, do not send me angry emails.

I represent myself.  Heil myself.  Before you send me an angry email about that, google it.

But the bottom line is that unless I say or do something that hurts you and is within reason, save the angry emails.  Yelling at me because your cousins sisters dad's brother's wife's kids' dog bit you and was red, the color of the Republican party so all Republicans are evil and thus I am as well, is just stupid.

That said, you probably got bit because you smell like bacon, which is awesome.  Wish I smelled like bacon.

4.  Thou shalt deal with me talking about adoption.  Thou shalt remember that I know it's not perfect.
Adoption has blessed my life.  Hopefully it's blessing the life of our child, that's still in the works but we're all a work in progress.  I am fully and painfully aware that not all adoptions (or most for a very very long time) were happy things.  I know that there was a lot of pressures and stigmas that caused a lot of heartbreak, a lot of pain and some wounds that I wish could be healed.  There is no perfect solution to all these hurts because the damage is done and we can't go back in time.

That said

I am trying to be the best mother, the best advocate for my child and their birth mother and open adoption as I can be.  Our open adoption isn't perfect.  We have complications, we're human and we have feelings and our own lives we're all trying to live.  Being a parent is complicated enough and we make mistakes, throwing one more HUGE thing into that means we are not going to be perfect.  My child has asked me to keep their adoption story private, and at this stage in their life it's their call.  So I will talk about adoption, I will discuss legal issues and things that work and things that don't as well as some of the challenges adoptive parents face (it's a blog centered around living with infertility, I'm not saying you HAVE to adopt but I want to be honest and real so everyone has an actual idea of what they're getting into,) but I will not tolerate mud-sling or allow for biased comments, generalizations (ALL adopted kids are damaged, ALL adoptions should be stopped, ALL birth moms are crack whores, ALL agencies are crooked etc.) or anything that's ugly for the sake of being ugly.  If you've been hurt by adoption, I'm deeply deeply sorry for your pain, please understand that I'm being very sincere.  I'm sorry that you're hurting. But this is not the place to lash out.

Nobody comes to the room where it's a placing parent, a child and a hopeful heart without heartache on all sides.  When we had our placement, it was the worst and best and scariest day in ALL of our lives.  I won't stand for that courage, strength and love being belittled.

5.  Thou shalt not get thy panties in a twist over talk about body parts and functions.

Fallopian Tubes.
Inter-uterine Insemination.

These are all words that you can expect to see here.  This is not a family blog.  I'm not here to post adorable stories about my youngest declaring "Gramma has a big cock!" when she meant to say "clock."  Although that story is awesome.

I'm here to talk about infertility.  I'm here to talk about how my ovaries don't function due to a very complex system of events in my body and as a result I cannot get pregnant on my own.  I'm here to talk about reproductive issues, adoption, living child-free, pregnancy, loss and all the ugly things in-between.

I'm careful with my words, but understand that I do not lie, I do not replace "vagina" with "female parts" because someone thinks vagina is a dirty word.

If you don't like seeing these words, don't read, don't listen and don't email me about my potty mouth.

I lied.  You will not see me use the word Moist.  Moiiiiiist.  *shudder*

6.  Thou shalt know I am honest when I do reviews.

I will never advocate for anything I don't believe in.  If I do a review, it will be open, fair and unbiased.  I would rip my best friend's product apart if I didn't like it.  Believe me.  We're pressed on time and strapped for cash, I'm never going to waste your money intentionally.

7.  Thou shalt be honest.

I knew a girl who was so desperate to get pregnant she tried everything.  Acupuncture, vitamins, faith healing over the phone, clean eating, EVERYTHING.  After two years, she finally was able to get to a doctor who diagnosed her with polyps the size of marbles in her uterus.  She had surgery, they were removed and a couple of months later she was pregnant.

Years down the road, a friend who was struggling to get pregnant asked her what she did that finally changed the tides.  She replied that she got pregnant due to acupuncture and clean eating and having faith.

I will always be honest with you as far as I know.  If I'm wrong, don't think I'm lying or being deceptive, I honestly don't know.  Send me information, let me read about it.

With that said, I expect honesty from you.  Please.  We have enough crap we're dealing with, let's be honest and save ourselves some time.

8. Thou shalt play nice or I shalt smack thee.

No joke.  Disagree with ideas, don't attack people.  I realize there are things we're going to believe strongly in and be passionate about.  Be kind.  Respect that someone has different ideas than you.  One of my most awesomest friends ever is an atheist, liberal, pro-choice, child-free working woman who believes VERY differently than I do.  I adore her.  She's amazing, she's kind and compassionate and generous and has a huge heart.  She asks me questions about my religion, about my beliefs and has never once made me feel like she thinks less of me because I believe differently than she does.  I love and respect her, she's a great person who wants to help others, she believes the way she does for a reason and I respect her thoughts and feelings.  We disagree on some things, but we discuss why we believe the way we do and it helps us to understand.

So, no name-calling, no belittling, no attacking.  State your truth, because what may be true for you isn't always the TRUTH.  Assume everyone here is living their lives as you are, by doing the best the can.  If you feel like getting angry or nasty, walk away, come back and remember there is a person who believes just as strongly and passionately as you do.

And nobody's hearts were ever turned by someone yelling angrily at them.

Kindness wins.  Love wins.  Remember this.